sleepless

i didnt sleep last night at all for the first time in about a year. it feels really weird in the morning. i dont really like it.

updates

i got a new laptop about a week ago. thats exciting, i finally have my own something that i bought and saved up for all by myself. its a really good feeling.

i plan to make music with it, i have downloaded a couple softwares for it. and i have made a music myspace.
myspace.com/inkyquillsband
i dont have songs up yet. but i should soon.

i finally thought of a post secret i could send in, i might post it. mabey not. i dont know.

bad nights

i have had bad reoccurring nightmares every night.
i always wakeup up from them scared because they are so real.
i should be used to them by now.
im not.

going down in history

i dont know about you but if i ever hear certian songs, or smell certian smells it reminds me of a good or bad time in my life.
i was going through my ipod a few minutes ago and it landed on possibly mabey by bjork.
i thought of december when it was freezing, cold, and i was content and extremly happy with life. i also have this same feeling when i burn this incence i had at the time (if you know me personally i absolutly love incence). it saddens me to thing that this time has passed and that i will never feel like that again. i think november 07- january of 08 had been that best time of my life. and i have no idea why. thats really when my music taste started to change, that might be it. but i loved that time.
i saw this show called this american life the other day. it was a episode called "going down in history" there are 3 acts i should say to the show, the last act was called "picture day". it was my favorite out of the three, ad it was ironic on how much i had been thinking about what they were talking about... if that makes sense.
in the episode it was picture day at some highschool somewhere in america, after the kid got their picture taken they were asking them questions like " what was one thing that you will probably never forget about this year" and others along those lines. then they interviewed this one girl named sydeny joe watnick. what she had to say was almost amazing, she was talking about how nothing that happens in our life that seems a big deal now, will not even be remembered. then she started talking about losing the memories she wanted to keep. and i think that is what saddens me the most.
i want to keep all of my memories. she said one quote that i loved "why do i keep losing all these memories i thought i would keep forever, its like is my mind erasing, where has the time gone" ira glass (creator of show)"where do youthink its gone" sydney (she started to cry)"i dont know....i dont know."
that really means alot to me, cause thats what i think about alot, will i not remember anything in a few years that i know now? where is my memory going. and how come only the best and worst parts are there?
as it dawns the last few days of school for me this makes me sad, depressed almost. will i even remember this school, seeing as i was at it for such a short period of time.
i will try to find the video of this and put it on here.
i really advise you to watch this show, it is amazing. it is called this american life and its on showtime